So if you didn’t notice, I kind of fell off the face of the planet in the blogging world sometime around October last year. You can probably guess why- work got complicated and I started working later hours, oh, and there was this wedding that had to be planned and showers to be attended and thank you notes to write. Basically, life got CRAZY- crazier than it’s ever been, but let me tell you, life has never, ever been so sweet.
Now that I am nearly a month out from my wedding (WHAT?!) I find myself randomly daydreaming about that ridiculously magical day and missing all the craziness that surrounded it. Did I love my Saturday spent in sweatpants on the couch until 5pm this weekend? Of course! But there was definitely a part of me that missed being in Dallas for a frantic weekend of cake tasting, invitation mailing, and bachelorette partying. It’s that after Christmas letdown feeling, except the ultimate kind.
Everything about January 7th was a dream come true, but it all went by so quickly I sometimes have a hard time picking apart the day and everything that happened. To avoid losing the feeling of that day in the memory banks of my mind, I spent the entire 50-minute massage Clayton and I enjoyed in Punta Cana to relax and cement every emotion and fiber of that day into my memory forever. And as to further cement that memory, in classic Raegan style, I had to put it to words.
Waking up that morning was pretty surreal. I didn’t have a hard time falling asleep like many suggested I would (I’m gonna credit that one to a late night Bachelorette party the night before that left me sleep deprived), but I did wake up at 8am ready to go for the day. I eagerly went to the kitchen where I could already hear the clamor of the day’s activities beginning with my incredible mother preparing breakfast for my bridesmaids and house party. Her dedication to making that day the best day of my life never ceases to amaze me. She’s the best mom ever.
As we shared a few sweet moments sipping coffee, sitting in quiet awe that the day we had been eagerly planning for 8 months, was actually here, I tried my hardest to soak in that feeling, that sweet one-on-one time with my mother before the day got hectic. Well, it didn’t take but about 5 more minutes for that to happen. The electricity went out in the house- funny in retrospect. But in that moment, it wasn’t the funniest thing to my mother who had the electricity company on the phone in a matter of seconds (or with my father, really). Our bridal party breakfast plans had to abruptly change, so we packed up the girls in their pj’s and headed to my aunt and uncle’s house for breakfast. They were amazingly gracious last-second hosts, and within the next two hours, the electricity was back on and the day’s plans hadn’t been too seriously derailed.
As I sat getting my nails done next to one of my most precious long-time friends, Haley Diorio, catching up on life and reminiscing about how we got to this point, I couldn’t stop thinking about how real the moment was. I was actually getting my nails done for my wedding, and I was getting to spend that moment with her. High school Raegan dreamed of that moment long ago. Dreams come true, even down to small details.
Nails done, I hopped in the car to head home and pack for my honeymoon. Surreal moment number-I’ve-lost-count-by-now. In my high school bedroom, surrounded with friends both old and new, I packed for the vacation of a lifetime, one that I had discussed years before in that very bedroom with many of those very girls, only in giggly tones and dreamy anticipation. It was here, and in less than 24 hours, I’d board the plane with the man of my dreams, my husband, at my side. I could barely focus on putting together outfits, something I’d semi-regret once I actually made it to the hotel. Didn’t matter in that moment- I was a little lost in thought to be accessorizing.
Spending too much time packing made me late for my makeup appointment, but nothing was going to get me down at that point. We headed to the mall where I’d already pre-tested my makeup with an artist at Estee Lauder, and I was so thrilled to be getting exactly what I wanted. To my absolute horror, she had not honored her appointment with me and was not at work that day at all. Side note- who in their right mind schedules an appointment for a girl’s WEDDING DAY on a day she isn’t working? Isn’t that something you know- whether you’re working in the next three days? Wouldn’t you be more diligent to really double check when you know that a girl is trusting you with the biggest day of her life? Guess not. Back to the story. Even though I had sworn that nothing could get me down, for some reason, that one did. I started crying. No, weeping, and it wasn’t pretty. I wasn’t proud of that moment, but my emotions got the best of me. I sucked it up and let a complete stranger with whom I had no idea of what her makeup talents consisted of, do my makeup for my wedding day.
Well, turns out she was absolutely paralyzed at the sight of my tears and the significance of this job, and she turned into the world’s biggest perfectionist, taking over an hour to get my makeup finished, starting over every now and then if it wasn’t what she thought was right. Unfortunately, everything she thought was right was everything I thought was wrong, and Allie and I left the mall with me choking back more tears, trying not to mess up the mess that was already on my face. I made it to the church, an hour later than I had planned, but I had dear friends who saved the day. I’d never felt more like a celebrity than I did in that moment with both Holland sisters fixing me up- Caitlin mending the makeup, Grayson with curling iron in hand. They saved the day and made me feel like a bride.
Unfortunately, the dressing room is mostly a blur. Those 3 hours between arriving and the ceremony really feel like 30 minutes in my mind. I’m sure my bridesmaids would disagree, but it’s true, to the bride, it is the best and fastest day of her life. Significant moments and feelings I can still put a finger on- reading my sweet husband-to-be’s letter to me, full of the most encouraging and life-giving words he could have said. My mother helping me into my wedding gown, getting that testy zipper up on the first try. Feeling like a true bride, bouquet in hand, pinning on my “antique” something blue from my mother, slipping on my Aggie garter and rose-colored shoes, staring in unbelieving bliss at my best girlfriends who fed me the most adoring smiles and sweet, encouraging words. Eating Chick-fil-a nuggets and crackers with cheese and little cookies with “M’s” on them that Meghan made. Wondering what my groom was doing at that moment, what he was feeling, getting butterflies about the coming moment when I would get to see him in private for our first look. The feeling that nothing in the world could wipe that smile off my face or that feeling out of my heart- that feeling that this was one of those rare moments in life that defines you, that changes you, that has earthly and eternal significance, that what was about to happen before God and man was a promise for life that I couldn’t wait to make.
“It’s time.” My incredibly patient and helpful photographer pulls me outside to meet my groom. I peer through the window from the hallway by the bride’s room and see his back. He even looks handsome from behind in his charcoal grey suit. It’s a somewhat dreary day outside, but just because God is good, the sun is peeking out from behind the clouds for those few moments I have with him. My stomach is filled with butterflies as I slowly begin to approach him. I wonder what is going on in his heart as I know he can hear the click-clack of my heels on the concrete as I make my way towards him. I finally make it to him and hug him from behind, just soaking in that moment, whispering words I can’t remember to him. He can’t take it anymore and he turns around, and I’ll never forget that look on his face. I held back tears as he asked me to twirl around so he could see every part of my dress. I felt beautiful and radiant, and most importantly, I felt like I was about to be his, and having his approval and admiration in that moment was everything my heart had been longing for all day.
I wish I could remember all that was said. Doubt that will happen anytime soon. It’s one of those moments that just becomes a feeling over time- and I’m talking over about 10 minutes’ time. I remember my mom and the girls asking me what was said, and I couldn’t even remember in that dressing room. It was perfect though- I’m so glad we chose to do a first look, to have that private moment, to just lovingly adore each other through gazes and sweet nothings. I don’t know that we’ve ever connected so deeply on an emotional level- I know we were both feeling the unexplainable feeling of great anticipation, knowing we were looking into forever in each other’s eyes, knowing in just mere moments we would make a covenant of marriage together that would bind us together as one flesh. We both shared that very spiritual connection in which God was holding us very closely and speaking His promises over us, once again showing His faithfulness, reminding us of the journey we’d been on- joyous, painful, long, strengthening- and showing us the finish line of this mini-race in life. God finally opened the curtain to show us just a glimpse of why we’d walked that path for 5 years- completion of that journey ended in a few hours.
Just like that, the moment was over, we gathered up our attendants, and the joyful, boisterous wedding party took pictures together. Our dear friends- turned- family gathered around us, and really the whole weekend with them, we had never felt so FULL. Time with them filled our cups to overflowing. Their friendship was one of the things we could not stop talking about well into our honeymoon, even now. They MADE that wedding for us, along with our family members who sacrificed their time, energy, and resources over the last 8 months to give us a fairy tale day. I still cannot get over how blessed we are- they are the best friends in the world. I’m not kidding.
We waited those final minutes in the dressing room. People were arriving, I knew. I sat back and thought about how beautiful the girls looked in their ice blue dresses, how perfectly the flowers matched, how stunning the church looked all decked out in everything I had pictured, how dapper the men looked, how joyous a wedding day this had been so far. I spent a few moments just trying as hard as I could to mentally take pictures of the day, to store all these emotions up in my heart to treasure forever. The girls gathered around and prayed over me in words I couldn’t understand, and the Spirit hovered in that moment and brought me the most calming peace I’d ever felt. I was ready to walk down that aisle in just a few moments because nothing had ever been more right.
When I arrived in the sanctuary and met my father at the door, it hit me- this was happening NOW, no more waiting. I saw my bridesmaids disappear one by one through the big, white double-doors, down the aisle. I held fast to my father’s arm and breathed in deeply, full of unexplained calm and joy. No tears threatened to spill down my face. I was about to get to see my groom. I was about to take that walk down the aisle, the one that I’d rehearsed in my mind thousands of times since I was a little girl. Talk about surreal. My father and I finally reached the double doors, and I could hear the music building up into “Here Comes the Bride.” Goosebumps all over, but no tears like I feared. Just a smile I couldn’t wipe off if I tried. Walking down the aisle felt…heavenly. Not just because it was one of the most surreal, perfect moments I’d ever felt, but quite literally, this felt like something that God had planned, something that’s significance echoed into eternity, something that mirrored God’s great love for us, something that reverberated throughout creation screaming, “Don’t you see me, beloved? I’ve longed for you like a groom longingly awaits his precious bride. I’m waiting here at the altar to take you and love you and be with you forever. PLEASE walk down this aisle to me, I love you unconditionally!” No, I didn’t hear all those words in my head in that moment, but my soul felt the moment’s worth in a way that words will never explain.
Many brides say they can barely remember the ceremony. If there was any part of the day I did not want to lose, it was the ceremony. I forced myself to hear every word, to feel every moment, to soak in the sights and sounds and significance. Worship was powerful. The words spoken over us were challenging. My sweet groom sweated his whole way through it, but he still looked handsome J We took communion to the sweet sound of two of our very best friends (who we know will join us in married life so soon!) singing “Holy Ground.” That was the only moment that threatened tears out of me. Powerful, and true. The covenant we were making was holy, we were joining ourselves to each other and to the Lord. Holy moment is absolutely right on.
We lit the unity candle (all three, actually, somehow the family candles didn’t light- oh well!) and joined hands and placed rings on each other’s fingers. He kissed the bride and we took the happiest little walk out of that church. We were MARRIED and there was no better feeling in the world. We walked outside into the chilly January evening, he picked me up and spun me around, and we couldn’t get over the joy inside of us. Quickly after, we were met two-by-two by our wedding party, and the celebratory moment grew. The wait was over! It was time to celebrate into the night.
Pictures were taken inside the church with family and friends, and soon after, Clayton and I hopped into his truck as man and wife. I’m pretty sure we giggled and smiled from ear to ear all the way to the reception. I felt extremely bridal as I trudged my way through the parking garage, receiving plenty of smiles from strangers as I passed. We met up again with the wedding party in the lobby where more pictures ensued. In moments, the party I’d spent months planning was about to begin. It was time to thank and honor my guests.
The DJ called the wedding party in, and at the end, Mr. and Mrs. Clayton Messinger were presented for the first time to the tune of “Everlasting Love.” The moment was classic and right. Our first dance was something I will never forget. Since I was young, I’d always wanted a man who would dance with me to the song “Feels Like Home,” and not just for the beauty of the song, but for the meaning behind it. I wanted a love that truly felt like home; no one could have fit that better than Mr. Messinger. We danced like 7th graders, swaying back and forth with no rhythm at all, but we didn’t care. We’re not dancers, and we didn’t want to pretend to be. Besides, if we were focused on dancing, we would have lost the sweet conversation in that moment; all eyes on us, but we wouldn’t have known there was another soul in the room.
The rest of the reception flew by faster than I wanted. I kept wanting to slow the clock down, trying to believe there was more time to enjoy my sweet friends and family. I danced with my father to “Isn’t She Lovely;” he wanted to twirl me the whole time, but he’s a better dancer than I am. I gave in on the last spin- glad I did. I watched Clayton while he danced with his mother while I sat by my own. She had the biggest smile on her face, and it lit up my whole evening to see her enjoying the fruits of her labor. We were so blessed with how well we were taken care of at the reception; I’m so glad she was able to relax and enjoy time with her family and friends.
We ate, we danced with friends, we visited with our guests. All the while, I felt like a fairy princess. The cake cutting came before I knew it. I barely remember tasting it! Garter toss and bouquet toss- our dating friends caught them both, of course. How precious and perfect. In the blink of an eye, the DJ was calling for the last song. It was a bittersweet moment- my wedding day had been everything I could have dreamed it would be, but it was coming to an end. I tried with all my might to soak in the final moments. Perfection.
The guests filed out and it was just Clayton and I in a room full of the remains of the biggest party we’d ever throw. The wedding captain came to get us and asked if we were ready to go. It had been a dream come true, and we were ready to leave now and start our life together. We got to the lobby where our guests waited to throw flower petals as we ran out to our car. We got all the way outside, where we found….nothing. That’s right, there was no truck in sight. Not even close to coming, actually. Clayton called up his groomsmen, and as luck would have it, they couldn’t find the truck. Looks like 5 plus years of waiting just wasn’t long enough J. We went back inside where we all shared some laughs at the night’s silly end. I was too overjoyed to be the least bit upset. In fact, I was thankful for one last chat with my best friends. Eventually, the truck came around. Everyone gathered up the flower petals, and we made a victory lap through the tunnel. Our wedding couldn’t have ended any other way.
And then we were off. And since then, we’ve been living happily ever after.
I couldn’t have written a better fairy tale ending.
