Pardon the Mild Insanity...read with a grain of salt :)

I realize I have been a terrible blogger lately, but I have been one busy lady. Since "spring break," I have only been in College Station for about 6 days, and it has started to take a bit of a toll on my ability to function. Don't get me wrong, it's been so much fun, and I sincerely count it a blessing to get to spend time out of the office, meeting people of all different backgrounds all around the country, and living life at a completely different pace than ever before. Sometimes I have to remind myself that all this travelling doesn't mean I'm missing class and it's all part of what I get PAID to do...I sometimes have to remind myself that I'm a professional!

My skin has been throwing a fit on me with all this travelling back and forth between climates. One week I'm in Pennsylvania, still hiking through the snow in early March. The next, I'm back home for a weekend with family, returning my winter coats to their rightful place, and soaking in a few sun rays. After that, I'm in Atlantic City on the boardwalk, seeing what appears to be the old Las Vegas and the new Jersey Shore. Back to College Station for a quick breather and some sun- then I'm way up north in New Hampshire, with temperatures still below freezing and a wind chill that comes with snow flurries. All that to say, I'm happy I'm back in good ol' C-Stat for quite a while, as crazy and humid as it can be sometimes. It's the only place that has some semblance of home these days, so I'll take it for what it is- stability.

One of my favorite things about being on the road is the curious sorts of people you get to meet, especially on airplanes. Speaking of, I've become an airport master. At least for the month of March, I totally related to George Clooney in Up in the Air. Security line- come in airport-proof clothing. Mistakes like wearing jackets that are actually serving more as a top will leave you feeling inappropriate in line. Boots are a great shoe option- nothing to tie. Bags with built in laptop sleeves for quick removal are a MUST- the time I've saved whipping that out has been priceless. But none of that matters if you're behind the family of 5 with twin 18-month olds headed out on Spring Break with grandma and grandpa. Avoid that line at all costs.

Window seats are the best for me. I can hold it for a 4 hour flight for the opportunity to gaze out the window at the clouds below. I can't get over airplanes. Unbelievable. You're on a CHAIR in the SKY! That never gets old to me. My new flight tradition? At take off, I try and decide at what altitude would we absolutely not survive if we crashed. Same on landing- at what altitude are we pretty safe? My conclusion? There's pretty minimal room for error. 99% of the time you're on that plane, it's safe to say you would die if it went down. I choose to see my morbid thoughts as a healthy view on reality, not as mild insanity setting in from all this time in front of a computer and jet lag.

Most of the time I'm up for conversation with my plane partner, but let's be real, I brought my Glamour and Brides magazines on the flight for a reason- this is valuable "me-time." I will say the few fellow passengers I've been so "blessed" by lately have been a little more on the odd side, but they make for great stories, right? Case in point- trip to Manchester from Cleveland: man in mid 30's, motor mouth, braggadocious, very much wants me to be impressed my his second home on the eastern coast, the way he chases girls and money, and his stunning "unintentional" style. Man, this guy definitely knows what gets me. To top it all off, no matter how many times I tried to avoid conversation by staring longingly out the window (contemplating the "safe zone" of course) or blatantly opening my magazine and pulling out my iPod, he pulls out the SkyMall magazine and actually asks me if I'd like to look through every item in the magazine and decide if it was a "Deal or Dud." How did he know my favorite pastime? It was horrifically unavoidable.

Blonde, mid-20's Hollister dude from small-town Texas seemed normal enough on Newark to Houston. He'd just been visiting his fiance in Canada for the week, he was returning to his job as a computer network manager, and he had a love for golf and frisbee. Normalcy at last! "So, how did you meet your fiance if she lives in Canada?" "Oh we met online actually....World of Warcraft." "Oh very neat..." Back to contemplating the safe zone, and we were way out of it by the way. That's truly a whole other world that I am completely ignorant of.

All of this back and forth to the northeast has made me sure of one thing for certain- there's no place like home, and there's no place like Texas. People from Texas smile and laugh and acually have blood flowing through their veins instead of ice water. I kid. But there is definitely something to this notion of southern hospitality. There are some quaint, interesting parts of the northeast. Manchester is an adorable little town full of personality and New England flavor. Live Free or Die...I'm not sure I understand. I will give it to them that they do have charm and hospitality in their bones, unlike some of their southern neighbors in NJ. My only knowledge of NJ is the "Shore" and I will say that Atlantic City definitely lived up to every thought I had of it. Little old Vegas, the city looks like it got left behind by time around 1950 and never restored to splendor. Although we had to pay for everything from parking at our own hotel, forced valet, tollways, and using the bathroom (maybe a little exaggeration), I didn't at all mind paying for my tax-free Francesca's clothes or the mini wardrobe I purchased at H&M. That was also mini-nirvana for me.

I came into this post with absolutely zero goals, nothing specific to write about, and only my completely fried and minorly jet-lagged brain to pull from. This is the Raegan of March this year- not even slightly humorous, mildly insane, and thoroughly in need of a weekend. I guess this kind of post is to be expected after 21 straight days of work (or at least that is what it will be on Friday). Ready or not, big girl world, there's no more easing in to the deep end any more, I'm there! I'm just proud to say I'm keeping my head above water at this point. Success these days= groceries in the pantry, clean laundry and sheets, being able to see the seats and floorboard in my car, getting an order through completely without mistakes, only eating one dessert a day, wearing clothes that halfway match, and actually saying sensible things to my Growth Group girls. I'm doing it, baby! Camp season- bring it on!

Dreaming...

Spring has sprung, and I am in no luck of getting to cruise out of College Station with a week of no worry before me. So I'm day dreaming about a number of things. Maybe that will get me through...

....mm I wish this was me, enjoying all of the things I'm dreaming about. One day...

My Little One

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.”- Proverbs 14:12

That verse stings pretty badly, doesn’t it? We get told straight to our face that what we think is right, left to our own devices, will ultimately lead to death. On our own, we are destined to fail. Anything we try outside of the will of God is pretty useless.

That is such a loving verse, because it is a blatant warning that, try as we might, we are going to fail, but there is a loving God who has your good in mind that longs to guide you and direct you through everything. Are you still going to make the wrong choices as a believer? Of course, probably more often than you’d wish to admit. But the great thing is, it’s not our own faithfulness that God is depending on, but the perfect blood of His Son that died in our place who is infinitely faithful. So when we do mess up, we are never too far gone.

There’s a fascinating illustration of this in the very first book of the Bible, in Genesis 19. Here’s a little background in case you don’t know. Lot is Abraham’s cousin, and he’s a good guy. He gets called righteous a few times, and I’ll admit, to have your name next to the word “righteous” in the Bible is pretty spectacular. So, Lot and Abraham are living on this land together, and eventually over time, the place just gets too small and people start arguing and Abraham, being a very patient and peace-seeking man, thinks it’s probably wise for them to separate, and he gives Lot first dibs on where he wants to go. Lot pretty selfishly chooses the better looking location, but it just so happens to be pretty close to Sodom. (Isn’t that the way of temptation?) Over time, Lot pretty much ends up living within the city gates of Sodom, truly living among a depraved people. However, Lot was faithful and remained upright and righteous, but he was the only one.

God’s holy wrath was burning again the city of Sodom, and really every city in the Jordan plains. Abraham knew that the Lord wanted to destroy the place, so he begged and pleaded with God to spare the city if he could find just a few faithful- such a beautiful picture of how earnestly we should be crying out for the lost! God honored the prayer of Abraham and sent angels to Lot to warn him to leave immediately or he would be caught up in the fire he was about to send. Lot honored the angels that came to him as created beings (even though he was pretty sketchy in trying to prostitute out his daughters to pacify the crazy Sodomites who wanted to bust down the door to sexually assault the angels), and they warned him to take anyone with him who he wanted to save.

No one really believes him, and for whatever reason, Lot is lingering in Sodom in the morning. (Isn’t that all too familiar? Lingering in sin that God is telling you to flee from!) The angels are so urgent for him to leave that they literally seize Lot, his wife, and his two daughters by the hand and set them outside the city. I love that the verse specifically says that this is the Lord being merciful to Lot. He’s clearly not being obedient (or as my mom says, “Slow obedience is no obedience”) but the Lord is so faithful and merciful to him that he physically drags Lot out of Sodom.

Ok, so that’s the background. Here’s what the angels command Lot and his family:

“Escape for your life. Do not look back or stop anywhere in the valley. Escape to the hills, lest you be swept away.”

Oh my goodness, so much life application in that command! God’s mercy falls all over Lot in this passage as he gives him an escape route with exact directions. When I first read Lot’s response, I was kind of miffed at him:

“Oh no, my lords. Behold, your servant has found favor in your sight, and you have shown me great kindness in saving my life. But I cannot escape to the hills, lest the disaster overtake me and I die. Behold, this city is near enough to flee to, and it is a little one. Let me escape there- is it not a little one?- and my life will be saved!”

I balked at Lot on this one. Are you kidding me? Lot, God has physically sent you angels who have told you that they are about to cast down fire and brimstone- did you catch that?- they themselves are about to cast FIRE and BRIMSTONE down on that city! Do you have that kind of authority? I don’t even know what brimstone is, but it sounds terrible. God is showing you ultimate mercy in saving you from this, he has angels literally pick you up and drag you out to save you, because that warning wasn’t enough? Then, they give you an escape route- and honestly, these guys are pretty powerful, wouldn’t you trust them?- and you say, “Nah, I’ve got a better plan?”

I’ve always thought Lot was so silly, so simple-minded, so blinded to how GOOD the Lord was to him. I mean, honestly, when you read stories about God striking down Ananias and Saphira for telling a little fib, but then saving Lot even though he lingers and stalls in the ultimate city of sin, don’t you think God was being more than fair to him? Lot basically says, “Sure, you guys saved my life, and I’m really thankful, really, but I think I’ve got a better idea on this. Can’t you guys see that I’m going to die in the hills? That city over there, that makes more sense. I know they’re corrupt too, but they’re little, I mean, they’re not as bad as Sodom.”

Lot, Lot, Lot. Oh, I wish I did not identify with you so much. How many times, when we are lingering in a place of sin, whether we are actually taking part in the sin or not, does God send out rescue for us, and yet we still try to depend on ourselves?  God may not be raining down fire and sulfur on where we live, but I think the story and illustration are in the Word to make a clear point to us- “That’s what I saved you from.” He uses the exact same words we associate with hell to show us that’s what we deserve, that’s the punishment for outright rebellion against God. Maybe our story looks more like this:

God- “Raegan, you’re really flirting with sin right now. You’re lingering in a place that isn’t good for you. You’ve started to live of the world instead of just in it. I want to rescue you, because if you don’t leave now, it will destroy you.”

Raegan- “Lord, thank you! But can I wait just a bit? There’s a few more things I want for myself. I’m going to leave, I promise, but just give me a minute please.”

God- “If you’re not going to act now, I’m going to act for you.”

---Slow obedience= no obedience. Sometimes God has to grab you by the hand and pull you out. That’s not always the most painless option. It probably would have hurt a little less if Lot and I had walked away when God said to.

God- “Ok, now that I’ve got you out, you have to run. You can’t stay around, because it will hurt you. Run, run towards the hills, chase after me and don’t look back, because that’s you’re ultimate place of safety.”

Raegan- “The hills? That’s pretty lofty, Lord, I can’t do that. What if I can’t escape? That’s too hard, there’s so much risk! Can’t I just run towards this lesser plan? I mean, it’s not as bad as what I was in, and I’m sure it’s a safer option. It’s little, so I can handle that. Lord, aren’t you proud of me for leaving? Can’t you cut me some slack?”

God- “Oh, my darling child, how do you even believe you came to me in the first place? Wasn’t it I that came to you, rescued you, and long to live within you, even though you are resisting my best? I’ll give you what you ask because I made you to choose. However, it’s not my best.”

---We still absolutely have free will, and there are times where God will hand us over to the little desires in our hearts. It’s not his best, and it breaks his heart, but I think he knows we have to learn. He wants us to trust Him more than anything, and sometimes that takes falling on our face to realize we don’t have the best plan in mind.

Here’s how the rest of the story goes. Lot’s wife looks back (maybe she wanted something of her old life, maybe she didn’t believe it would actually be destroyed), and because she deliberately disobeyed, she gets turned into a pillar of salt. And that’s the last she’s mentioned- a whole other lesson on its own. Lot and his daughters wind up in Zoar, which is what the Lord renamed the town that means “little one,” and it’s not very long before Lot gets scared out of his mind to stay there. Maybe it was the grave realization that the Lord, indeed, would destroy the places He said He would destroy, but Lot gets up and heads for the hills because he’s afraid.

When I get to my Zoar, I hope I will be struck with the same fear that Lot was in NOT following the Lord. I hope I see my Zoar for what it is- my little one, my little plan, my safe place, my “not so bad,” my lesser version of salvation. And I hope in seeing the Lord for who He is-merciful, yet just; full of grace, yet holy- that I will drop to my knees in reverence and fear and flee to the place he’s appointed for me. But I hope it won’t get to that point. Because the sin that Lot fell into once he was in solitude in the mountains is yet another lesson for another day- sin that resulted because Lot acted in fear instead of faith.

There is so much to learn from the life of Lot, but I think the one thing that stood out to me above all else was this: even when I am faithless, He is faithful. Even when I am dirty in my own sin of disobedience, he covers me with mercy and provides a way out. Even when I choose Zoar, I can always get to the mountains. God is who He says He is all the time, His character doesn’t change, and I can put my whole faith in that. He will supply for my every need.

My prayer today is that you’ll trade your Zoar for the mountains. Yes, the risk may seem great, but in losing Sodom, you get the renewed joy of salvation. Run to the hills, and don’t linger in the valley; run for your life, and don’t be swept away.

Under the Weather

This past week wasn’t my easiest or best, hence the absence of blogging, but nonetheless, it is Friday, and I’ll once again reminisce on the week that was…

FRIDAY-

As a non-student living in College Station at the ripe age of 21, most hours not spent behind a desk feel just like college- and trust me, I couldn’t be happier about that. But sometimes, inevitably, there are nights when there is absolutely NOTHING to do because, as a non-student, you are not part of any on-campus organization that sucks the life out of your friends (interesting how perspective changes once you’re not in it J). Friday was one of those nights where just about every living soul I know in this city was at a retreat. So what did I do? Well I watched about 4 sitcoms, 2 crime shows, and chatted the night up with my good friend, Kyle. Can’t say I lost out, what with the 10 hours of sleep I got in my own bed and the quiet calm of my own house while my friends slumbered on hard floors for 2 hours.

SATURDAY-

 As I was very refreshed, I got up Saturday to work out and finish laundry before the parents came in town for the day. It was so wonderful to see them! We ate at Newk’s, the new deli in town, and spent most of the afternoon talking, laughing, and driving around town looking for a new house to rent. Then of course it was time for food again- Carino’s was our meal of choice! We had a weekly fishbowl game planned, and since my parents love fishbowl, they wanted to play, too. It was fun having them meet the people that are in my life every day, but I must say, it might have been a little overwhelming. Our crew grew to about 25-30 in the living room at one point, and the rowdy gang made it a little difficult to play. Nonetheless, a very fun evening!

SUNDAY-

I was blessed to spend time with my family once again as we attended church together and I got to show them where I worship. After church, we went to McAllister’s, and then I packed to head out of town once again! With all the car switching that had to go on with Allie looking for a new car and trying to sell hers back home, it just made sense for me to drive back with my parents and fly out of DFW. So I got some extra time with my mom and dad and relaxed in the comfort of my own home!

MONDAY-

Daddy took me to the airport very early to fly out to Pittsburg. Funny thing about me and airports- apparently I look like a terrorist. I never fail to get the full body scan and INVASIVE pat down- I am always singled out! This early morning’s was particularly intrusive- I mean, really, there’s honestly not a way in the world I could hide anything in certain places…Made it into Pittsburg early enough, so Merinda and I enjoyed  an afternoon workout, a trip to Panera and Olive Garden, and I even got to enjoy some Bachelor in the evening! Emily FTW!

TUESDAY-

That’s when this week went downhill fast. I woke up in the middle of the night with a version of the same stomach flu my mother had come down with the day before. Things weren’t pretty for the rest of the day. For some reason, I tried to be strong and believe that I’d feel better by the end of the day, so I hit the road for the tradeshow with Merinda. Bad idea. I spent about 8 hours laying in the backseat of the car in pain. Alka-seltzer was my hero that night.

WEDNESDAY-

Never have I been happier to wake up at 4:30am to get on a flight- after Tuesday, all I wanted was Texas, especially considering that I sort of forgot that it is still winter in Pittsburg. I slept that whole plane ride and only woke when the plane hit the ground- needless to say, I could have sworn we had crashed. *One of my favorite Onion News Headlines- “Pilots admit that 98% of all landings just barely pulled off”- I believe it* Since I gained an hour, I got to Dallas at 9:00am, but it felt like 5pm at least. I still had to drive back to College Station, but the beautiful day lifted my mood! I got to spend time with a few Bible Study girls, and we enjoyed sweet fellowship. After that, I was lights out!

THURSDAY-

My body was all off. 6:30am suddenly felt like the most natural time in the world to wake up, so Thursday’s work day, although plagued once again by a second round of the stomach bug (a much nicer one, though), was pretty decent. Very productive work day after a few days out of the office. Although I was still a little under the weather, I was so happy to get to spend a relaxing night with my man. They seem to be few and far between these days, but they are very precious to me. We spent at least an hour at Chik-fil-a (or Chicken Church as I now refer to it, thanks Jon Acuff) supporting Omega Simeon and seeing wonderful friends, and the rest was spent talking and watching Criminal Minds. Typical Thursday that I couldn’t do without.

Looking forward to a truly relaxing weekend with friends and a date night with Clayton tonight! I’m really going to cherish this weekend and week to come as the next three weeks are going to be jam-packed with travel and work without weekends- the final climax of show season! Get ready!