Still Dreaming

Several people have asked me recently why I don't blog anymore. I wasn't even aware that I stopped. I was simply living life, and living it to the fullest.

So much has happened in this new season of life. Since January 7th, I believe I've begun my season of harvest. Five plus years of dating the man of my dreams, waiting patiently on that dream to come to fulfillment, taught me so much about who I am, what I want, why God created marriage, and so much more. Now I get to discover it all firsthand, the becoming one, the marriage of our lives- emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially. It's more than a ring and a kiss; it's life together forever, for better or for worse.

I have experienced very minimally of any such "worst," and I find that to be a very encouraging fact considering we are just over 6 months in to this thing. It has been full of harvest- of reaping the benefits of waiting on each other, of securing deep and meaningful friendships both together and separate, of waiting on the Lord's perfect plan for our careers and destination. In these 6 months, we've honeymooned, we've found a home back in the DFW, Clayton has a God-ordained job working for an aerospace engineering company in Ft. Worth, I'm working from home for C.C. Creations, we've adopted the sweetest little puppy, we've explored this wonderful metroplex, we've started decorating and building our dream apartment.

When people ask me what has been the hardest thing about marriage, I just have the hardest time answering that question right now. Hard? I'm not naive to believe that I'll never experience rough patches, pain, disappointment, frustration, or sadness. No, that much is promised. But right now, to find any flaw in what God has beautifully gifted us in this time would be a direct insult to the goodness He has lavished on us, so undeservingly.

What is hard in marriage has nothing to do with marriage in and of itself; it has to do with me, and it has to do with Clayton. I don't struggle with marriage, I struggle with my own selfishness, laziness, and unloving heart. And vice versa. Just about every problem that could ever come up in a committed relationship such as marriage has to do with my own sinful heart, my selfish attitudes and my personal desires. Marriage isn't broken, people are. Teaching ourselves this now, as we bask in our honeymoon phase bliss, is vital as we know that the harvest doesn't last forever here on earth.

Beyond the glowing newness of it all, there's still plenty of learning and growing going on. While I am very much a dreamer, planner, and doer, I'm learning the secret of being content, and marrying that to the secret of pursuing dreams. It's a thin, hardly walked line of resting and doing, and it's a path I'm learning to re-route myself onto daily. It's telling myself, "Breathe, Raegan, you're not even 23. You are YOUNG, you have so much life to live." And in the same breath, "Dream while you're young, before the world gives you a million reasons why you can't. Don't ever stop asking, 'Why not?'"

I'm as old as I've ever been and as young as I'll ever be again right now. Right now is sweet. Right now is rich. Right now is full of endless possibilities. Right now I have as much as I'll ever need.