Ode to Vera

In case you missed my retweet from Elle Magazine today, Vera Wang, whom I have long had a deep admiration for, has finally released her line of bridal gowns in David's Bridal stores all across America. Why is this a big deal, you ask? Only because the most brilliant wedding dress designer to ever walk God's green earth is extending her hand and heart to those under the $6,000 budget range for gowns and giving future brides everywhere the greatest gift she could give. That may sound melodramatic, but if you know anything about me, you would understand why I feel this way. I have been waiting for this day for as long as I have loved weddings- and I'm a girly girl, so that's a long time.

Want to take a sneak peak with me??




Which one is your favorite?

Below are a few of my favorites from her not-so-budget friendly Spring and Fall 2011 lines.




Oh Vera, you're brilliant. Come custom make my wedding gown for me??

Eden

So, I’m reading through the Bible this year. That’s the plan at least. Hold me to that, please.

Isn’t the Word so refreshing? Every time you read it, you gain new insight. Even reading Genesis 1, a story I’ve heard countless times since I was a sweet little girl. Especially Genesis. Are you kidding me?

The story of Creation and Eden was unfolding like a fairy tale in my head last night, every whimsical and fantastical thought made my senses come alive as I imagined those majestic seven days in which the God of the universe spoke creation into existence.

The universe was dark and void, and God whispers light into existence. Light, with every complexity of which the human mind can only understand a mere fraction of its magnificence, simply obeys its Maker’s voice. The universe sits in unconceivable silence, yet it quivers with expectancy at what is about to unravel.

With the creation of light and dark, God has man in mind. On the very first day, God considers man’s need for rest, and with a soft word spoken, he organizes time and space and creates the first parameters which man will live in.

On and on He goes, simply speaking into existence the very scientific phenomena that hold our world together. Water, sky, heaven. It is good. Earth, sea. It is good. Vegetation, trees, bearing fruit. It is good. Lights in the sky to mark our time, our seasons. Signs in the heavens reminding man to worship Him- not just as markers of time for ceremony and ritual, but vivid displays of His glory and majesty and infinite love and character.

Then God blesses Creation. As He creatively, thoughtfully, yet effortlessly hand crafts every kingdom, phylum, order, etc., of birds and fish, He laughs to himself as he keeps adding  tentacles on the octopus, smiles at the thought of the starfish, knowing He placed His stars in the heavens one day and at the depths of the ocean the next. He loves it, because it is His beauty manifest in creating pearl-bearing oysters, His strength evident in the brute whale. “Multiply,” He says, “You are beautiful because I made you.”

His creativity doesn’t stop there. God displays more of His handiwork along the earth, creating each with purpose and thought and intention. I imagine He knew we would spend our lifetime discovering not only their beauty, but their intricacies designed in such a way that man would be foolish to imagine its origin in any way other than by God Himself. He lovingly lavished us with His presence through nature, although He knew that the pinnacle of His creation would become blind and deaf to it all too soon.

On the sixth day, His handiwork waits in reverent anticipation at what God is about to reveal- His crowned glory, man, in His very image. Not just an expression of His attributes, but creation of man in His likeness; royal as heirs to His inheritance, possessing dominion over every perfect created thing made thus far. He says it three times for emphasis: “He CREATED them.” They weren’t an accident, they were made for His perfect plan for creation, for the world He created for Himself.

God takes a look around. He already knows it, but He says it anyway. “It is very good.” Perfection. And not because He needs to, but because He wants to, He rests. Although He is outside of time and space and exists eternally everywhere without any restriction, He shows Adam a perfect model. “Work- it is good. And rest- I have ordained it and blessed it.”

All of creation rests perfectly and peacefully. Every bird of the sky and beast of the ground exists in gracious submission to man, whom God will breathe His own very breath into very soon. Perfect harmony abounds.

Can’t you just smell the perfect scent of unadulterated vegetation? See the vibrant flowers in every shade imaginable, full of life, being watered by a God-ordained mist to care for them as they wait on their master, Adam? Hear the cries of baby birds praising His Name in striking harmony, the mountains bow at His majesty, the waves crash upon the shore in undulating rhythm announcing His steadfastness and infiniteness. Can’t you taste the salty ocean air, bask in the glow of the warm sun on your skin?

When I think of Eden, I think of three things. First, I can’t imagine how C.S. Lewis’ depiction of Aslan singing over creation and bringing life to every created thing can be far from reality. Even if the animals didn’t speak, don’t you think they just looked at each other with knowing joy? I know they didn’t have souls, but I feel they understood their role- to bring their Creator glory.  I now can’t help but picture creation dancing under the song of their Creator, gently ushering in their existence in a way that is both intimate and breathtaking. Second, I think of when the Wizard of Oz becomes colored. Sure, there weren’t little Lollipop Guild munchkins running around, but I imagine God waving His paintbrush over a wild grassland as He brings into vivid focus every green blade and every fuchsia wildflower. The whole world comes to life as God paints His masterpiece on the canvas he calls earth.

Third, I can’t help but imagine that Eden is a glimpse of heaven. Walking in perfect communion with the Lord, surrounded by His glory, without sin and corruption, before death was even an issue- God created earth to be His dwelling place one day! When we walk the streets of gold, when there is no more sorrow or pain, don’t you imagine there will be reminders of perfect earth there, too? Don’t you think when you see images of earth in the way God intended that there will be something in your soul that feels a little like déjà vu?

“I remember this from somewhere. I can’t put my finger on it, but it feels like in some other life I was made to live in this. I don’t remember it being quite this way, because this is beyond anything I’ve ever seen. But still…”

I don’t think heaven is just all pearly gates and streets of gold and infinite “white” as shown in movies. Why would a world God created in color not be even more vibrant and perfect in heaven? Why would it be absent of God’s creativity? I think we’ll spend heaven exploring God’s creation in a way we were intended to. Don’t you think before the fall Adam just danced around creation with boundless curiosity, marveling at every detail His Father put into the world around Him?

If Eden was perfect and was made by God, for God, for us to inhabit and enjoy, can you even imagine what heaven will be like?

I love how on my first day of reading about the beginning of the world, I was already overwhelmed with a homesickness for heaven. God is so beautiful, I wish I had the words to say it.

Thinking

So, I’ve been doing a lot more thinking without writing lately, and somehow, that doesn’t work. I’m about to ramble, something I hate doing, but that’s what happens with disorganized thoughts.

I was talking to Clayton today about writers and speakers and how generally, they are not one in the same.* Please note, the following has no science behind it whatsoever, and there are probably more exceptions to this “rule” than true fits, but it’s my generic observations nonetheless.* Most great speakers don’t write. There are probably dozens of books penned in their name, but more often than not, a ghost writer did the grunt work for their signature pieces. Vice versa, great writers are rarely great speakers. Authors are often clumsy before an audience. In many cases, sheer wisdom and knowledge of a subject matter take over for nerves, but they aren’t always the naturally talented, easy-flowing speaker-type.

I fall into that latter category. Not that I fall into the “great writer” category in the very least bit, but I would say that my brain to paper connect is a lot stronger than my brain to mouth connection. For example, when I’m trying to think something out or work through an idea or a feeling, my go-to is my laptop. I write prayers, I brainstorm on paper, I practice important speeches or big talks in ink before I put them in my mouth. It really just works better that way.

So when I think without writing, my thoughts get jumbled, or worse, they get lost. Thoughts are so downplayed in this world we live in. Every day, we’re taught how to think less, how to be mindless and give less effort. We live in such a sad time where everything is automated, so when we have time alone, we don’t know what to do with it, because let’s be honest, time alone with your thoughts is sometimes work. I don’t want to confuse my thoughts or lose them, so it’s time I get back to writing.

And I don’t just mean blogging. I love to blog, and in some ways, sharing what I write is sharing a piece of my heart, even when I write about the mundane and simple. Writing is personal to me. So I’m going to get real with you for a second.

A person I have only known for 12 hours asked me today what my dreams were in life. It was supposed to be a simple get-to-know-you type of question, and I answered it in typical fashion. My answer to everyone is this: “Well, I love what I’m doing right now, but later on down the road, I’d love to be a part-time wedding planner. It’s what I chose my degree for, and I really enjoy event planning. In the end, though, I’d just like to be a stay at home mom.”

Ugh. That is not true. Let me explain. I DO love what I’m doing right now, it’s such a blessing in every way, shape, and form. Wedding planning has always been attractive to me, if you have known me for 5 minutes you KNOW I love weddings. I DID get my minor in RPTS because it was the closest thing to event planning at an engineering school, and I DO enjoy event planning. Being VP of Phi Lamb was one of my most favorite things about A&M, I enjoyed every second of it. I would love to stay home with my kids one day, I would count it a true blessing.

Let me tell you what is not true about that statement. Wedding planning sounds like more of a hobby to me, a past time, if you will. Why did I choose my major? Because it sounded like fun, I thought I could probably do it well, and I just needed a diploma at the end of the day. I don’t really JUST want to be a mom. I throw that phrase around all the time because it sounds safe. In fact, that whole answer is my “safe” answer, my “if everything goes according to plan” answer. In uglier terms, my “I can do this on my own, Lord, thanks,” answer.

How disgusting. The Lord gives His children each individual giftings to glorify Him, to give us joy, to worship, and to give us life to the fullest. I know He has given me gifts of administration, planning, and hospitality. I don’t take any of those for granted, and I know that He could very well use me through event planning, and I hope that if that is His will that I will heed the calling and chase hard after Him in this unique way.

But I’ll be honest, when I search my heart and ask myself questions like these:

-          What makes you come alive?

-          When do you feel the most content?

-          Who are you impacting?

-          Where do you see yourself fully given over to the Lord?

-          What do you love to talk about more than anything?

-          What scares you the most about all of this?

My answer to that new acquaintance would look a lot different. Here’s what my heart wants to answer.

“I love my job so much right now, in some strange way, the Lord has me here selling t-shirts for this time and place, and until He moves me elsewhere, I’m doing this! As I seek the Lord daily, I pray He leads me to chase after Him dangerously and fearlessly, asking for His heart to be mine, serving Him with the gifts He’s given me and the talents He’s asked me to use to further the kingdom. I hope I get the chance to help my best friends on their wedding planning adventures because serving my friends in that way would be the delight of my heart. But more than anything else, I pray that my heart would remain completely open to His calling because in Christ, there is fullness of joy, and in His perfect will, I am complete. I realize that I am not my own, that I was bought at a price, and while He does not need me for anything, He wants me for everything. So I am His to do with as He pleases.”

That might have been an overwhelming answer to my new friend, but I truly hope I can convey that kind of confidence in my Lord when I talk about my future and dreams. I think God gives us dreams and talents, but He ultimately wants us to surrender them to Him because our finite minds can’t fully imagine what He intends for us.

God gave me a love, a passion for words, for writing, for sharing truth and love and encouragement and honesty. That much I know is true. I think i throw out the wedding planner idea all the time because what is closest to my heart, my admiration of the written word, is also the source of my deepest insecurities. Writing well requires sincere honesty. When you lay bare your heart on paper, you open yourself up to every criticism and critique. I want to minister through writing, in whatever form that may take, but because I often feel tugs on my heart to pursue ministry through this gift, Satan jumps all over it with all kinds of accusations. “You’re not a real writer, you’re such a dreamer. God can’t use you that way, because you’re not good enough. You read other people’s blogs all day long and even non-famous bloggers are better than you. You can’t influence people if you’re not perfect at it.” And on and on and on the accusations come.

I have no idea if or when God will ever use this love affair that I have with words, but I know I’ve given Satan a foothold by not confessing it. So I had to lay bare the fact that I’m terrified to ever pursue anything that has to do with writing because I fear man’s judgment, I’m a perfectionist, it takes me out of my comfort zone, and it’s not in the plan I have for my life. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

Basically, I want to be His vessel in whatever He asks me to do. And I want to be obedient daily. Today, He’s asking me to sell t-shirts. Tomorrow, He may ask me to take a leap of faith. Next year, He may ask me to step out of my comfort zone. All I know is every day, He wants me to find my strength and identity in His name. And that name is more than enough for me.

2010

I did this a few years ago, and it really blessed me to look back on everything that unfolded in the year. Sometimes I let little things get overlooked in the wake of life-changing ones, but then I realize that even the little ones changed my life in the most unexpected of ways.

JANUARY

With the turning of a new year came restoration and joy, and truthfully, the most blessed year of my life to date. Somehow, in God’s goodness, blessings seem to abound from year to year in greater quantities, and with that comes greater responsibility. My most memorable event in January was the conclusion of my sweet time with family over Christmas break. January is always a restful and renewing month, and I found much of that with family and friends.

FEBRUARY

February is a sweet month to me. I think of love and chocolates, as Clayton has lavished both on me in the last 4 Februaries. Valentine’s Day 2010 was spent in instead of out this year, as Clayton made me a home-cooked meal and quality time was spent together. We had much to be thankful for this year as we got to celebrate God’s faithfulness to us in growing us more in His image.

MARCH

Two blessings come to mind out of March- Spring Break and Martha O’Kelly. It was Cali or Bust for my roommates Haylee Pearson, Allison Johnston, and I. A week away on the shores of San Diego was water to my soul, and even sweeter was time spent growing even closer to these two amazing, godly ladies. The second blessing came through Impact. While I was so blessed by each and every counselor I was privileged to pray for, Martha’s consistent and loyal friendship to this day stands out. She has taught me more than she probably knows, and her wisdom and discernment is a continual blessing that I am more than grateful for. She’s definitely one of those “keeper” friends.

APRIL

April was a particularly joyous month filled with Aggie “lasts.” It was my last month to soak it all in before the wind-down to graduation began. Phi Lamb formal and group outings flood my mind from this month. The sun came out and I got one last chance to play with all my wonderful friends. As I spent a lot of time thinking back on the last three years in this month, I remember standing in awe of where the Lord brought me from freshman year. Never could I have imagined where I would end up!

MAY

Only one event stands out above the rest- Graduation. The most dreaded and anticipated event in a college student’s life. When I pictured my life’s path in my head the morning before graduation, I remember distinctly thinking of a map where every turn and course was planned and laid out until May 15^th, where in essence, I would take a step off the map into the unknown. So frightening and so thrilling at the same time. While I was luckier than most in finding employment quickly, the perpetual thoughts about what I truly find satisfaction in still loom in my mind; I’m still patiently waiting for God’s Big Plan for me while being obedient in the small version right now!

JUNE

I spent three weeks in maybe the most boring city in Texas- Abilene. My first job required that I spend three weeks alone in a hotel for training, and let me tell you, they were challenging weeks. I learned all about how wonderful weekends are, though. I never anticipated weekends in college like I anticipate them now- sometimes, I live for them, which isn’t right either, and I’m working on that. What was good in June? I got a nice tan, I learned a lot about the city of Abilene, and I spent a lot of time with me and God. And we all need more alone time these days.

JULY

If June was the raincloud on my year, July was my sunny saving grace. A cruise with my family to Progresso and Cancun was the best medicine for my lonely soul, and those 5 days spent in the sun, laughing and joking with my wonderful family was just what I needed. Family vacations constitute a large portion of my best memories in life, and this one was no different. Also, living in College Station, while it is still no Grapevine in the summer, was much preferred over Abilene.

AUGUST

August was such a hoppin’ month for me! The Lord spread His Sovereignty over my life in the most redemptive ways. He gave me the perfect reason to leave a job I hated after just a month, reminded me of his faithfulness to me in the past, told me to hold on tight, and get ready to enjoy the ride He was about to take me on. My last Impact was beautifully bittersweet- it was more than I could have asked for, and those involved ministered to me just as much as I felt I poured out. I will never forget those sweet times spent in prayer, laying hearts bare and vulnerable before our Creator. I came back to College Station with an interview with CC and I praised my God for His funny ways and never-ending protection and care.

SEPTEMBER

September was my summer. I got it a little late, but was nonetheless thankful for it. Friends moved back to College Station again, and life resumed at a somewhat normal pace- minus my life revolving around school, Phi Lamb, and more school. I got to take life at an extremely slow pace, spending time with friends and thanking God for giving me more time in the city I was not ready to leave. He gave me so much understanding and direction in that month as He prepared my heart for the next phase of life. I am continually grateful that He has not pushed me and dropped me in the next phase, but has gradually prepared me for something bigger.

OCTOBER

I don’t think my life is about making t-shirts- what a sad existence that would be. But God has made it perfectly clear to me that what He has for me for this time in life involves patience and learning some lessons while making t-shirts. October was spent learning and grasping that. October was also spent learning how to be a big girl in a college town, but still be 21. It’s totally manageable if you just own it! That made for much more enjoyable times.  Clayton and I also celebrated 4 years together on October 12. On top of all of this, October is my favorite month- the weather is perfect, football season is in full swing, and everything good about life seems to come out to play!

NOVEMBER

As an Aggie, I can’t explain November without the help of T-Pain and friends- “All I do is win, win, win no matter what.” November was a fabulous month for football fans, and I didn’t miss a second! What was even better, though, was Thanksgiving break- one of my favorite holidays! Turkey and Black Friday shopping and game nights galore- it marks the beginning of the most wonderful time of the year!

DECEMBER

Just getting off of December, I may be biased in saying it was my favorite month this year. While it was definitely the busiest, it was by far the most fun. I only spent 7 days in the office (that might have contributed) as I got to experience two parts of America I’ve never seen before- North Carolina and Pennsylvania. VERY COLD! But one of my favorite new experiences as a working woman. I think I started to love my job last month. And who can talk about December without Christmas break? Family is the best- and so are long, lost high school friends! It seems like we never lost a beat when we get together. 2010 was good to me to the very end, topped off by a fabulous New Year’s Eve with favorites!