“Ugh, I don’t want to wear my sweaters. They’re ugly and
boring and no fun at all.”
That sentence came out of my mouth this past Thursday as I
was packing my suitcase for my final trip of travel season for my job. It’s
been a mild year weather-wise as we’ve seen the likes of North Carolina,
Atlanta, and an unseasonably warm Atlantic City. But this last show in Albany
and New Hampshire is proving to put me to the test. Although they were sitting
pretty in the mid-seventies last week, they are experiencing their last cold
front of the season this week, with temperatures hovering in the mid-thirties
during the day. Not what I consider “spring weather” as a born and raised Texan
who spent this past Sunday pool side.
What made the weather forecast for this weekend so
depressing was not the weather itself; it all stemmed from the fact that my
heart was ready for change, spring was in its beginning, glorious stages here
in Texas, and going back to winter was the least enticing thing to me. I
actually love my winter wardrobe, but this happens every year towards the end
of winter. I start to get cabin fever, I start craving warmer, longer days,
brighter colors, tanner skin, and sunshine. Spring never comes a day too soon.
But a similar thing happens in August and September. The dog
days of summer set in, and the last thing I want to do is jump in my lukewarm
pool or wear sundresses and tank tops. I start craving crisper weather, tall
boots and sweaters, hot chocolate, football games, and all things winter. Fall
never comes a day too soon.
I could say the same thing for every season, really, and you
probably could, too. It’s this innate desire for change that we can’t really
explain. We probably all have a season we would call favorite, but if you’re
like me, there’s something so wonderful and unique about each season that you
have a hard time picking a favorite. The variety is what gives spice to our
lives. Every season brings with it a unique activity or event than can only
take place in that season.
The Lord shows us that change is good by giving us the most
basic example- seasons.
And He gave us hearts that long for it, that wait for change
with expectancy. He shows us that there is literally a season for everything,
and for me personally, this basic principle helps my heart a lot in a “season
of life” where change is the only thing that stays the same.
Our late teens and early twenties are a prime time in our
lives to experience rapid-paced changes that range in importance. From choosing
a school to attend, to picking a major and a career path, to finding a spouse
and getting married, to moving on to the next step in the unknown, the first
5-10 years out from under our parents’ roof shape a lot of who we are.
I’ve seen a lot of change in my life in the past 5 years. I
chose to attend Texas A&M and study communication. I chose girls to live
with, organizations in which to be a part of and lead, a godly man to continue
dating. I chose my first job, and when that one didn’t work out after 2 months,
I chose a second. I said yes to the man of my dreams and married him in
January. We chose an apartment to live in, and now, we are making the next “big
decision” of our lives together, and that’s where Clayton will be taking a job
and thus where we will be moving after May.
College Station has been SO wonderful, it provided the most
rewarding, life-changing and life-giving college experience I could have ever
asked for. I met the most amazing people who sharpened me, loved me through my
successes and failures, and gave me belly-aching laughs through my years of
living with them. Even in these past 2 years of living in this small town post
college life, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my faith, my strengths and
weaknesses, and most importantly, about the God I love and serve. But since
I’ve gotten married and we are making plans and prayerfully considering where
God has us next, I find myself yearning for change, ready for life’s next
adventure. The same excitement and slight fear that overcame me when I was
leaving Grapevine to live on my own for the first time in College Station has
started to invade my senses as we determine where in the world we are heading
next. And I’m learning that that feeling is God-ordained- it’s His gentle
urging, with a dose of peace, that helps us leave our good, comfortable
situations for what He has in store for us; not necessarily a “better” place
altogether, but the “best” place for the season we are at in life. At some
point, you outgrow the plan God had for you for that season, and while it takes
courage and faith to move on, He promises that His best is always in store.
I’m learning what His best is- that it doesn’t always mean
my comfort or my perceived happiness, that it might not include what my plan
looks like, that it will most likely have many challenges along the way, but
that it will most certainly include His hand of blessing. To find and receive
that blessing, I have to constantly and daily attune my mind to the mind of
Christ, so that I can perceive His thoughts and know His character and be able
to look for and find Him in the midst of what I think of as cloudy plans at
best.
All of this to segue into my point in this post…I’m excited,
more than anything, to enter into this next season of life. It’s so fulfilling
to be able to follow the lead of my husband, to encourage him as he pursues a
career in biomedical engineering, a field the Lord has divinely laid on His
heart and gifted him in, a path He feels clear direction in at this point in
time. It’s so exciting to see him enjoy the job interviews he’s been blessed
with and to listen as he passionately describes the roles he’s applied for, to
get to sit back in amazement at how particularly God gifts us with different
passions and talents that all serve different needs in His kingdom. It’s truly
exciting, and I’m blessed to be married to a man who fearlessly pursues his
dreams.
On the other hand, there’s a part of me that feels a little
like I did as I was packing my suitcase the other night. Spring is dawning and
there’s excitement and the fresh scent of coming newness in the air, and it’s
taking everything in me not to whip out my minty blue shorts and neon-accented
sandals. But reality slapped me in the face and made me pull out the winter
wardrobe again. To break down the code speak for you- while my heart is ready
for the next chapter, there’s a part of my life that I sort of skipped over in
between graduation and marriage, and that’s the part where I needed to discover
what passions the Lord gave ME, where MY place is in His kingdom, and how I can
break through the monotony of my life to bring glory to His name and kingdom by
awakening the hidden desires of my heart in service to him, desires that will
make me come alive. Serving and honoring Clayton as his wife is certainly at
the top of my priority list and absolutely gives me joy and satisfaction as I
know that my role in this marriage is a picture of His church. I find so much
worth in that. But I know that marriage is all about two people with different
passions for the Lord coming together, and in their union, magnifying the name
of the Lord together as their lives interweaved better serve the body than they
would alone.
So, my last post was about how I wanted my blog to have a
clearer identity, and I’ve thought long and hard about it. As silly as it
sounds since I know only a few people actually read it, I’ve prayed about this
little thing, because as I’ve told you before, part of my heart is connected to
it because I’ve lain my heart bare here before through my passion for words and
writing. Here’s what I want it to be:
I want this blog to be an outlet to let my thoughts flow
more freely. I teach myself about myself by writing, because I write to think
instead of think to write. It’s how I’m wired.
I want this blog to be a source of continued inspiration for
me, something that challenges my right-brained self to think and create.
I want this blog to help awaken passions in me that I’ve
felt, but never allowed myself to explore out of fear.
I DON’T want this blog to be about “finding my purpose.”
That’s silly; I absolutely know my purpose and my identity. It’s locked up in
Christ. I just want this to be a working-through of the intricate ways he
created me, and to give glory to His name by exploring the depths of what He
put in me.
I DON’T want this blog to put me in a box, and if I ever
feel restrained by myself, then its lost its purpose. The blog is an outlet,
not a purpose. Christ is my purpose, the blog only helps to illuminate to
myself the unique ways in which He made me.
All that to say- I have a rough plan. Through some
brainstorming with some friends, co-workers, and that sweet husband of mine, I
think I’ve decided what I want to do with it. The title will be “Living Outside
the Box: Life Beyond the Cubicle,” and the contents will follow a rough outline
I’ve not yet finalized with topics each day that encapsulate the many things I
love but only pursue recreationally. I’ve heard it said, “The work you do while
you procrastinate is probably the work you should be doing the rest of your
life.” I procrastinate consistently in the same ways; it’s starting to be a
pattern. So I want this blog to be a collaboration of all the things I love and
pursue beyond the 8-5 that make up the passions of my life that I keep to
myself.
One thing I want to make clear- I am completely, 100%
content with my day job and am learning daily more about why God has me here
and what His plans are through my being at C.C. Creations. This is not a blog
about finding a new job, rather, a blog about living the life I live beyond my
job to the fullest, and glorifying my God and loving people well.
In the next month, Clayton and I have a sturdy list of what
I’m calling our “April Resolutions,” a list of ways we want to better our life
and our discipline since we kind of lost our New Years to a wedding and getting
settled. Once I have my feet squarely on the ground for a long period of time
starting April 1, we plan on tackling that list, and one of those things will
be this blog. I plan on working on the graphics and making this blog something
to be proud of, something I get excited to publish on a daily basis. Some of
the topics you can expect to be covered on the blog in the near future:
-
Who/what/when/where inspires me
-
Fashion and style
-
Adventures in marriage
-
Our journey in becoming healthier
-
Ways the Lord is teaching and challenging me
-
Fun new reads, TV shows, recipes, etc. that add
spice to life
-
Life abundant
I in NO way will ever claim to be an expert in any of these
categories, in fact I have more reservations and fears about these topics than
I do any sense of expertise, but when I started to analyze the things I spend
the most time on in my free time, I realized I could chalk up so many hours to
these topics.
I’m excited for this adventure into how the Lord created me
uniquely for myself, and I appreciate anyone and everyone who ever cares to
follow along. I don’t expect it; I want this for myself first and foremost, and
I hope in opening myself up in my joy of writing that more of HIM shines through.
In that, the pursuit of Christ Himself, I know that I can’t go wrong.
Also- thanks to all of you who have had our marriage and our
very near future in your prayers. They are coveted and so appreciated!
Here’s to April and a new journey!
