So, I’ve been wondering lately why finding time to spend with God has been so difficult this semester. It hasn’t always been so challenging, I think, and as I sit and try to figure out what the culprit is and why I am missing that time when I’ve definitely been busier in my life before, it hit me.
I’m bored with my time with God.
I hated saying it, it felt dirty and sinful and wrong. I felt so unholy to admit that my quiet times have been lacking because I simply have not been finding the same enjoyment in them. But there’s definitely a reason for these feelings, and here’s what I know for sure, it’s definitely not a problem with God.
I think it all lies in the way I’ve been treating my time with Him- like it’s a chore, like it’s homework. I’m not in school anymore, and so really any mention of the word homework just conjures up bad memories for me. I take pride in the fact that when I am done with work for the day, I’m done. I’ve paid my dues and I am free to enjoy my night, my time. But the Word of God is not a chore, and it is vastly more important than homework.
Sometimes I put limits on how I spend my time with Him. I have been in the church since I was a child and I have it somewhere ingrained in me that quiet times don’t “count’ unless there is a time for prayer, a time for Bible reading, and a time for journaling. All good things, all things that help you grow. But putting limits on my time with God helps me justify not spending time with Him. if I feel that a quiet time is supposed to be a minimum of 30 minutes, and I don’t have 30 minutes in a day, then telling myself that because I can’t do it right, I shouldn’t do it at all, just puts God in a very small box.
Sometimes I’m too aware of myself. I’m fighting my own battles, planning my day, managing my feelings, completely unaware of His presence. He is daily fulfilling His promise to me to never leave my side, and yet I walk right past Him, ignore Him like a persistent child giving someone the silent treatment. He just wants to do life with me, and I shut Him out because Satan has me convinced some days that I can handle my own problems. I can take the little things, I’ll take my big things to God when the time comes.
Here’s the deal. If I treated my friends that way, I wouldn’t have many friends. Probably none. If I told my friends that if I couldn’t spend a “significant” amount of time together, then we shouldn’t hang out at all, I’d probably hurt some feelings. If I did the exact same thing with them every time, I think they’d get bored of me. I’d definitely be bored of them. What if I only talked to them about my troubles and never shared a laugh with them, never told them how thankful I was for them, never let them in on my joys and triumphs? I think they’d think I was using them. They would probably be right.
What if I treated my friends like they were a chore? What if I tried to squeeze my time in with them in between two places I had to be, rushed around with them, went through the motions? How could I expect intimacy from that?
Satan likes to lure us into thinking that our time with God isn’t as important in the “easy times.” He always has, and he always will. As long-time Christians, don’t happiness and success often coincide with apathy and negligence of God? It may not be intentional, but we just let it go unnoticed.
“Living life” with God isn’t a new concept to me. It isn’t life-changing information to realize that God wants our day, that He wants to live in us and through us in everything we do. Sure, the information isn’t new, but it has definitely been some time since I actively pursued Him in this way. Dare I say the last time I can honestly remember being in that place was in a time of need, in a time where my dependence on God was paramount for me to make it through the day? Sad as it is to admit that, it’s probably true. I have probably yet to experience the true fullness of living life with Him because I am quick to drop Him on the mountaintops. And I can think of no greater danger to the Christian life than separating God from His blessings. To look at God as only fixer and healer and to forget Him as blesser, sustainer, giver of joy and hope and life and love, is to separate Him from who He IS!
This is obviously not new information to any Christian, but it is probably one of many life-changing truths that we have head knowledge of but do not have life-changing proof of its truth. If there is anything in the Word of God that I want to be more true in my life, I want it to be that I am intimately close to the Creator. I don’t just want to study His word, although that is important and He commands us to do it. I want to live His Word, the most critical point of the Scripture! Not just in a moral sense, but in a passionate love affair with the God of the Universe.
The pillow talk I share with my roommates? I want my conversation with God to be that carefree and light-hearted. The cuddly moments I spend with my soon-to-be-husband? I want my intimacy with Him to feel like that physical comfort, that tender moment. The time I spend every morning on my run? Why can’t he join me?
Why can’t I sit down on the couch and watch a football game with Him? Why can’t we share breakfast together? Why can’t He come with me to my office, and when I’m lonely, why can’t I just chat with Him? I do all these things with my best friends, why can’t I do it with the One who loves me the most, who is literally with me 24/7? He’s never busy! What an incredible friend!
I know I can do all these things. But I find 50 million other distractions to fill up the space between me and my Father. I can’t explain why I do that more than you can, but I do know that there is no more important time than now to invite Christ into my actual living instead of just into my closet for 30 minutes before work. I cherish that time, but He gave me a full life to walk beside me in. So when the hard times do come, and they will again, I don’t have to go looking for Him, I can just hold tighter to the arms that I know are already around me. He’s already there, He’s always been there, but next time I want to already know that, because I’ve been just sitting in His lap on the top of the mountains, enjoying the view with the One who made it.
No comments:
Post a Comment