What are you doing with your life?
That is a good question. One that I get, at the very least, 3 times a week. Probably because I am living in College Station and not going to school. Wait….you can do that? I know. College Station, Texas, despite popular belief, is actually a functioning, normal town with real people in it and real jobs, and not even just professors and those that work at Texas A&M. Crazy, I didn’t believe it either. Let me tell you how I ended up here, or rather stayed here, especially for those sweet friends still attending school that I run into and are afraid to ask if I thought I was going to graduate and didn’t or wonder if I’m still bumming around.
It’s a neat story, actually, one that has God’s hand of blessing all over it, and I want to show you not just where I am, but where I am in His story.
I graduated on May 15th, 2010, from Texas A&M University with a bachelor of arts in communication. One of the cooler days of my life, for sure. In the first three years leading up to my graduation, the most popular question was definitely, “So what do you want to do after you graduate?” Simple, harmless question, one that every college student gets the pleasure of responding to. In fact, what college student doesn’t like answering that question? You get to talk about your dreams and your expectations in life and all about the brand new business you’re going to start the second after you walk across that stage. Dreams are big in this time, as they should be, and I get so excited when I see friends achieve those dreams due to persistence and discipline. But for the majority of us out there, that question becomes so much more difficult to answer in that last year, and especially when it changes ever so slightly to, “What are you going to do after you graduate?” That simple word change changes everything, and the pressure is on in that moment. In the months and weeks leading up to May 15th, that question seemed to be more of a dagger to my soul than an innocent question of intrigue, simply because I couldn’t answer it. I had so many transient hopes and dreams of what I wanted to do with my life that slowly got sifted through the sands of reality as each semester passed. I’m sure anyone who knows me well could easily rattle off 6-8 different career paths I was on at some point in college, ranging from journalist to wedding planner to teacher to hair dresser. But once it came down to actual graduation time, I was just as clueless as most of my fellow classmates sitting in the liberal arts ceremony, maybe in part due to the economy and the nation’s total lack of need for us right-brained folks.
This is the point of the story in which God, in His omniscience and great love for me, really began to show me a little about myself and a lot about Him.
God knows that I like order and plans and neatness. They are attributes of Him displayed in me as I am made in His image. However, there is sin in me and not in Him, and so even the gifts and qualities He made me with can be corrupted, usually by selfishness and a constant need for control. God knew that if I made plans and they all pulled through exactly as I dreamed that I would not be any better, and He so wants me to grow. He knew that I would depend on myself and not on Him, and it would be a false sense of independence because even when we think we are doing something on our own strength, we’d be humbled to know we couldn’t take our next breath without Him. He knew that my plans aren’t nearly as big or cool as His are, and He knows I can do so much more for Him in His plans. He knew my heart better than I knew it, and He gave me my heart’s desires without me even knowing it by drawing my heart closer to His and giving me more of His heart. So what did He do? Well, He messed my plans up a little bit.
Not that I had big plans, no. More like He messed up my plans to have plans, which if you have that kind of “planner brain” like me, that sentence just made perfect sense. Instead, He left me plan-less and just kept whispering softly in my ear, “Wait on me. Depend on me. TRUST me.” So I did…until May 16th. Then I freaked out. Where was I going to live? What was I going to do? Should I go back to school? Should I go back home? Should I accept the first job that comes my way?
I said yes to that last question, and it really got me nowhere quickly. I learned a few life-lessons along the way, namely, “Don’t accept the first job that comes your way.” Basically, a month or two in, I quit my first real job because, one, they wanted me to basically live in Laredo for half the year, and two, because it had no semblance of God’s plan for me on it, and I felt it in my soul.
I quit that job just a few days before leaving for Impact as a prayer teamer. I had so many mixed feelings heading out there, so much joy to be with my brothers and sisters in Christ in the ministry that God had laid on my heart over the past two years, and also so much doubt (from that crazy Satan character) about my purpose in being there. As I sat in that prayer room for the first night, ready to stand vigil with my fellow prayer team girls, feeling “armed for spiritual warfare”, Satan decided to aim for the jugular. He cut straight to the heart with accusations and lies, tormenting my heart with questions I wasn’t required to answer. I had known beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had me on prayer team for a reason before I even knew what that reason was. (Sometimes God gives you that total sense of peace when you take something on, and prayer team was definitely one of those.) Just when I thought I’d succumb to self-pity and doubt, the Holy Spirit went to battle for me, and as I wept over the pages of Truth, He promised me that I was in HIS hands, that Satan has no hold over me, and that I was free to enjoy His goodness and the moment He placed me in. Right then and there, He released me from the fear of not being successful, the fear of taking a step out of His plans for me, the strain of trying to live in perfection, the fear of uncertainty, and most importantly, my own control. These are all things He released me from when He hung on the cross; rather, He reminded me that I’m free, showed me the silliness of standing in a prison cell when the gate is wide open.
The next day was just a cool day. Let me preface this by saying that I know that when you pray for direction and guidance, you don’t always receive an immediate answer. The Lord always provides what we need, but not always on the timeframe we think He should work in. But this was one of those times when God saw it fit to blow my mind with His goodness and faithfulness and really show me that I can’t do anything apart from Him. After an afternoon with my camp, meeting freshmen and truly ministering with a free heart, I came back to my room to find 7 voicemails on my phone. Never in my life have I ever received seven voicemails in one day, much less all from potential employers/friends of potential employers. I took a step outside to listen to them before my next prayer session; I was curious! I literally sang of His goodness as I walked back in that room with such a portrait of His provision, knowing that when I got off that bus that Thursday, I had two interviews lined up for Friday.
Flash forward to today. I’ve been working for C.C. Creations for about two months now, and if you’re not from College Station, let me tell you what it is. C.C. Creations is a large screen printing and embroidery company that also specializes in signs and banners, trophies and awards, and promotional products- basically if you can put your name on something, we can do it. I had the privilege of working with this company on the other side of the desk for the past year as VP of Sigma Phi Lambda, ordering t-shirts, fleeces, sunglasses, shorts (plus 20+ other random items to outfit all 250 girls from head to toe in our letters). While we had our ups and downs on some orders (we suffered a few misprints here and there), I was so impressed by the professionalism of the business, and also their sincere desire to see that I was a satisfied customer. I liked that about them. I was in the office at least on a weekly basis, and I got to know several of the employees, and over time, we all began to joke that I was in the office so often that I might as well get paid for it. Finally taking them seriously one day, I offered the manager my resume. She was courteous, and informed me that she would definitely keep me in mind when they would be needing new sales reps come December. Thinking in my head that I have my life under control and there would be no way I could wait until December to have a job, I smiled politely and told her to give me a call when that became available and we’d see where life had taken me.
Well, I obviously took that first job in June and didn’t really think about C.C. Creations anymore. Until that whole episode I just explained. And low and behold, C.C. Creations just happened to be one of those voicemails left on my phone. I interviewed a few days later, and here’s the really neat part. The position I was interviewing for was not the position I thought I was interviewing for. I thought it was a local sales rep position, but it turns out they needed a Programs Sales rep sooner as their current employee would be leaving the company in a couple of months to be a full time mom. (Program Sales= working with camps and non-profits nation-wide). They picked my resume out for two reasons- 1) because I was a communication major and RPTS (recreation, parks and tourism sciences, or better known as rest and play til seminary) and for maybe the only time in my life that combination was exactly what they wanted, and 2) because I had some connections to this lady who would be leaving- she was a former officer in Phi Lamb at A&M! So after a long talk about all the other crazy connections, cool stories of how I had come to know this company, etc., I had this crazy perfect peace feeling about the job, knowing that whether I got it or not, the Lord had led me there to show me His goodness, to confirm His plan for me in College Station (that was a big one I doubted constantly- what was I staying here for, and why?) and when you are faithful in small things, He sees it.
So if you’re still reading, you must love me. I love you, too. That’s where I am. I’m making t-shirts, loving life, and understanding my workplace as my mission field. Totally cool. I’ll tell you more of the cool things about my job later because there are so many Jesus-stories packed into how I got here and how perfect this place is for me. Never did I think that making t-shirts could be part of where God wanted me right now, because I don’t think I understood completely that He doesn’t operate on our timetable, and careers, finance, education- it’s all part of this life that doesn’t translate in heaven. However, He has a HUGE interest in my heart, in my ministry, and in my complete and total dependence on Him and He wants me to see those earthly things as tools for what He wants me to do in His kingdom. Once I started understanding how to pray about the “why” instead of the “what” and the “where”, I started relinquishing my dreams and taking on His bigger ones. I don’t have it all figured out, obviously, I’m 21 years old. I’m not feigning any real wisdom here. I’m just taking the next step of obedience and trying to continue to be faithful in the small things, like first jobs and student loans.
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