Why Does My Quiet Time Always Have to be Quiet?

So, I’ve been wondering lately why finding time to spend with God has been so difficult this semester. It hasn’t always been so challenging, I think, and as I sit and try to figure out what the culprit is and why I am missing that time when I’ve definitely been busier in my life before, it hit me.

I’m bored with my time with God.

I hated saying it, it felt dirty and sinful and wrong. I felt so unholy to admit that my quiet times have been lacking because I simply have not been finding the same enjoyment in them. But there’s definitely a reason for these feelings, and here’s what I know for sure, it’s definitely not a problem with God.

I think it all lies in the way I’ve been treating my time with Him- like it’s a chore, like it’s homework. I’m not in school anymore, and so really any mention of the word homework just conjures up bad memories for me. I take pride in the fact that when I am done with work for the day, I’m done. I’ve paid my dues and I am free to enjoy my night, my time. But the Word of God is not a chore, and it is vastly more important than homework.

Sometimes I put limits on how I spend my time with Him. I have been in the church since I was a child and I have it somewhere ingrained in me that quiet times don’t “count’ unless there is a time for prayer, a time for Bible reading, and a time for journaling. All good things, all things that help you grow. But putting limits on my time with God helps me justify not spending time with Him. if I feel that a quiet time is supposed to be a minimum of 30 minutes, and I don’t have 30 minutes in a day, then telling myself that because I can’t do it right, I shouldn’t do it at all, just puts God in a very small box.

Sometimes I’m too aware of myself. I’m fighting my own battles, planning my day, managing my feelings, completely unaware of His presence. He is daily fulfilling His promise to me to never leave my side, and yet I walk right past Him, ignore Him like a persistent child giving someone the silent treatment. He just wants to do life with me, and I shut Him out because Satan has me convinced some days that I can handle my own problems. I can take the little things, I’ll take my big things to God when the time comes.

Here’s the deal. If I treated my friends that way, I wouldn’t have many friends. Probably none. If I told my friends that if I couldn’t spend a “significant” amount of time together, then we shouldn’t hang out at all, I’d probably hurt some feelings. If I did the exact same thing with them every time, I think they’d get bored of me. I’d definitely be bored of them. What if I only talked to them about my troubles and never shared a laugh with them, never told them how thankful I was for them, never let them in on my joys and triumphs? I think they’d think I was using them. They would probably be right.

What if I treated my friends like they were a chore? What if I tried to squeeze my time in with them in between two places I had to be, rushed around with them, went through the motions? How could I expect intimacy from that?

Satan likes to lure us into thinking that our time with God isn’t as important in the “easy times.” He always has, and he always will. As long-time Christians, don’t happiness and success often coincide with apathy and negligence of God? It may not be intentional, but we just let it go unnoticed.

“Living life” with God isn’t a new concept to me. It isn’t life-changing information to realize that God wants our day, that He wants to live in us and through us in everything we do. Sure, the information isn’t new, but it has definitely been some time since I actively pursued Him in this way. Dare I say the last time I can honestly remember being in that place was in a time of need, in a time where my dependence on God was paramount for me to make it through the day? Sad as it is to admit that, it’s probably true. I have probably yet to experience the true fullness of living life with Him because I am quick to drop Him on the mountaintops. And I can think of no greater danger to the Christian life than separating God from His blessings. To look at God as only fixer and healer and to forget Him as blesser, sustainer, giver of joy and hope and life and love, is to separate Him from who He IS!

This is obviously not new information to any Christian, but it is probably one of many life-changing truths that we have head knowledge of but do not have life-changing proof of its truth. If there is anything in the Word of God that I want to be more true in my life, I want it to be that I am intimately close to the Creator. I don’t just want to study His word, although that is important and He commands us to do it. I want to live His Word, the most critical point of the Scripture! Not just in a moral sense, but in a passionate love affair with the God of the Universe.

The pillow talk I share with my roommates? I want my conversation with God to be that carefree and light-hearted. The cuddly moments I spend with my soon-to-be-husband? I want my intimacy with Him to feel like that physical comfort, that tender moment. The time I spend every morning on my run? Why can’t he join me?

Why can’t I sit down on the couch and watch a football game with Him? Why can’t we share breakfast together? Why can’t He come with me to my office, and when I’m lonely, why can’t I just chat with Him? I do all these things with my best friends, why can’t I do it with the One who loves me the most, who is literally with me 24/7? He’s never busy! What an incredible friend!

I know I can do all these things. But I find 50 million other distractions to fill up the space between me and my Father. I can’t explain why I do that more than you can, but I do know that there is no more important time than now to invite Christ into my actual living instead of just into my closet for 30 minutes before work. I cherish that time, but He gave me a full life to walk beside me in. So when the hard times do come, and they will again, I don’t have to go looking for Him, I can just hold tighter to the arms that I know are already around me. He’s already there, He’s always been there, but next time I want to already know that, because I’ve been just sitting in His lap on the top of the mountains, enjoying the view with the One who made it.

Help Me Down the Aisle?

Ya’ll, I am in full-swing wedding planning mode. I am trying my best to get as much done as possible during the week so that my weekends are productive when I get the change to go home. This whole planning a wedding 3 hours away from your mom thing is not so easy! That’s why I’m enlisting any and all help from those caring to sound off from experience. A few questions:

·         Where did you get your invitations and programs? Did you make them yourselves or get them online? What’s the most cost-effective while still looking great?

·         I’m 99% sure we’ve picked a honeymoon location (The Excellence in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic!) but does anyone else have any great recommendations on deals with all-inclusive resorts?

·         We’re getting married in the winter at early evening, really preventing us from doing outside pictures after the ceremony. From those whose first moment to see each other was staring down the aisle and those who did a “first look,” what were the pros and cons? If we wait, we will have to do all of our pictures inside.

·         Toasting- what do we think of it? at the wedding? At rehearsal dinner? Both?

·         Registering- we’re currently working on Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Pottery Barn. Experiences, good and bad, from any or all?

·         Fun details- what’s worth my time to DIY? Any unique ideas I could incorporate into my theme?

·         Music- first dance, ceremony, etc. I am not a music person, and I am in serious need of some great music. I’m considering anything and everything!

I appreciate all of your help so much! Feel free to comment in the comments section or on Facebook. (I know sometimes Blogger is finicky). Looking forward to reading some responses!

-          RB

Latelies

Lately, life has picked up its pace, and it’s been pretty nice for the most part. While the work days are still very slow because camp season is over, I’ve found ways to keep myself busy by recruiting new business and focusing a lot of my time and attention on the Muscular Dystrophy Association, whom I already do business with, but would like to do more!

Since work is not the exciting part to share about, here’s what’s been going on beyond the 8-5 daily grind:

-          Everyone is back in College Station, and I mean everyone. The roads are once again packed, and my 5 minute drives have all turned into 15 minutes. Oh the joys of living in an overcrowded college town.

-          Clayton got to work full time for most of the month of August, which was such a blessing and an answer to prayer. The best part is he still gets to work there during the school year, and it works great with his schedule and doesn’t require him to work nights.

-          College Station is abuzz over Texas A&M leaving the Big 12. That much is at least official, we’ll see if and when we make our move to the SEC. I’m thinking this is more of a question of “when” since I don’t think our leaders would resign from a conference with no secure future.

-          I’ve finally been a consistent worker-outer this month. I’ve actually been pretty decent about it this whole summer, but it’s like I finally put my game face on in August. I’ve just been doing lots of running and trying to eat healthier on the whole, and I finally feel that it is just starting to pay off. I know as that wedding date approaches, the pressure will only increase!

-          We took our engagement pictures a few weekends ago. It was so much fun to traipse around Dallas with Jennefer before the sun had fully risen, and even though we were all drenched in sweat by 9am, we still had a blast. I cannot wait to see them all!

-          We started Growth Groups back up at Grace Southwood, met our new Coach Group, and are so blessed to get to share life again this year with the McGeevers, as well as all of our new friends! Can’t wait to really get started and meet the girls I’m going to be leading this year on Thursdays.

-          I got to stay in College Station for the first weekend in so long this past weekend. It was lovely. All I did was hang out with my best girls, spend time with the mister, and enjoy lounging, napping, football, and blissful down time. Looking forward to a little smaller taste of that this weekend.

-          This weekend brings with it the first Fightin’ Texas Aggie football game of 2011! WHOOP! Although it is on a Sunday night, I’ll still stand proudly and faithfully in the blistering Texas heat and endure the pain and suffering of waking up for work on Monday morning. Yes, you read that right. Here in College Station we labor on Labor Day. whoop?

The month of September is looking to be a fast and furious one. I feel that it is the last month I have before wedding madness becomes all-consuming. While we do have the majority of our planning behind us (the big stuff anyway), there are still so many odds and ends that will need wrapping up, and our biggest time devotion will be to showers coming in October. This month will consist of finishing out the registry, starting alterations on that pretty white gown, finalizing a honeymoon location, beginning to look for a place to live come January, picking out tuxes and invitations, and finally picking a florist and nailing down details of all of the floral arrangements and bouquets. How I’m going to do all of this when I will only be home for one weekend in September is beyond me. We will make it work through the power of the internet and multi-tasking. So far, this whole wedding planning process has not felt too difficult, which definitely worries me. I worry that I haven’t even stepped foot into all the craziness that is waiting for me, but we shall see. I have pledged to never be a bridezilla for any reason whatsoever and to never let matters surrounding the wedding weigh on me heavily. So far, gold star for me! I just hope I am not being too naïve.

I cannot wait for the fall and all the lovely treats it brings. It has become my absolute favorite time of the year and I am very sad that it does not stick around very long in Texas. Nonetheless, I am ready for fall apparel, the taste and smell of all things autumn, and everything that comes along with the changing of seasons. I am over this heat. Long over it. It serves no purpose for me as a working girl. This fall brings with it so much excitement, but also a lot of lasts that will be bittersweet to let go of.

-          The last football season in College Station

-          The last semester I’ll ever live with girls

-          The last time I’ll share a bedroom with my baby sister

-          The last time I’ll be Raegan Branch

Good thing the winter (and 2012) brings with it so much goodness and excitement! I cannot believe it is getting ever so near. And for the first time in a long time, I’ve just been really soaking up the moments. Summer was hard in a lot of ways, but I think that the excitement surrounding CS this fall, and all the lasts I want to live up, is the perfect balance to the anticipation of January 7^th. I feel like I’ll truly be able to just enjoy and savor this sweet engagement time, and I just feel so thankful that the Lord is bringing me out of a period of spiritual drought by restoring community and reigniting passion in me. Looking forward to all that these next few months bring!

Growth Groups

This weekend marks the beginning of another “semester” for me as I prepare with dozens of other student leaders at Grace Bible Church for fall Growth Groups. Last year, I led a group of college girls in my living room every Wednesday night, and I even shared with you tidbits of what those nights looked like as we explored the book of Colossians.

I am so excited about our study this fall over Ruth. I’m glad that we will get to dig into some Old Testament narrative and do an in-depth study over a part of the Bible that requires much more inductive reasoning than the immediately-applicable New Testament. And I am excited that I, a young woman about to enter into marriage, get to tackle this unique text about Ruth and Boaz. SO excited about all of the conversations that we will get to have, specifically as women in the 21^st century.

On that note, I will be leading Ruth on Thursday nights this year instead of Wednesdays. I truly hope that doesn’t disrupt any of the plans of the girls who joined me last year, but I am looking forward to living life with these girlfriends, both old and new.

If you are reading this and you have been looking for community in Bryan-College Station, please email me! I’d love to tell you more about this study and my heart behind these groups. Looking forward to our first meeting come September! I am getting the “back to school” buzz myself, just anticipating all that the Lord has for this fall for girls in every season of life!

Fill in the Blank Friday

 

 

1.   My idea of pure perfection would be       a week off with my honey somewhere tropical...oh wait, that's only 141 days away!

2.    Great Love       makes the world go 'round.

3.  If it weren't for    work and bills and rent    I'd    spend my days shopping, travelling, laying out, being with friends, and enjoying life  .

4.  Bloggers are   awesome people who give me ideas daily and motivate me to be more creative, better at writing, and capturing the moments .

5.  If I had    20 trillion dollars    I'd buy you    the American economy back, then I'd spend a few tril on myself. You're welcome for the economy.

6.  I'm glad it's Friday because     what is better than the weekend? Clayton and I are taking engagement pictures and starting our registry this weekend, what could be more fun?

7.  Something I'm excited about is     getting married...but more immediately, Fightin' Texas Aggie and Dallas Cowboys football!

 

 

Have a great weekend, everyone! It's FRIDAY!

Aggieland Bucket List

Alright, ladies and gentleman, the final lap in Aggieland has officially begun! 9 months left in this crazy place to do all of the things I’ve set out to do. Some I’ve done, some I’ve yet to do. Some I should have done in college, but I’ve still got time. Anything I should add? Who wants to help me finish this baby?

-          Attend Muster

-          Attend Silver Taps

-          Mug down at Midnight Yell

-          Dunk that Aggie bling

-          Visit the George Bush Museum

-          Eat at the Dixie Chicken

-          A&M v. tu on Thanksgiving Day

-          Brazos Valley Bingo

-          Pond Hopping

-          Participate in Big Event

-          Eat at Hullabaloo Diner

-          Eat at Potato Shack

-          Picnic in Academic Plaza

-          Bonfire Memorial

-          Get pulled over by a bike cop on campus

-          Jog Research park

-          Pictures under the Century Tree

-          Roadtrip to an away game

-          Kiss my date when the Aggies score

-          Karaoke

-          Sing the Aggie War Hymn at the Texas Hall of Fame

-          Slam Poetry at Revolution Café

-          Senior Boot Line on Kyle Field

-          Get on the Jumbotron

-          Watch the game from a suite

-          Run a half marathon

-          First Friday in Downtown Bryan

-          Visit the Bluebell Factory

-          Taco Tuesday at Rosa’s

-          Attend a concert at Wolf Pen Creek

-          Have a ring for each hand

-          Girls night in the Benjamin Knox Gallery

-          Spend the entire night studying in a coffee shop

-          Win a Big 12 Championship and get a BCS bowl game!

Home

I’m ready to go home.

143 days to go. And while I will promise to soak up every last second of this final “semester” as a single girl living with her roommates in this college town, I’m ready to go home. Because whether home is a temporary apartment in College Station while Clayton finishes his degree this spring, or another temporary apartment wherever he lands his first job, home is where he is, and I’m becoming more and more aware of that.

I’ve loved Clayton for as long as I can remember dating him. Almost five years is a long time to think back on and actually pin down an exact moment I remember falling in love with him. As far as my mind can think, I remember loving him. My love grew stronger through the distance in that first year of college. My love grew deeper in my sophomore year as we got to experience life together in close proximity. My love grew more resilient and steadfast through a challenging period in our lives. And since our engagement, my love has grown in expectancy at what is to come.

In anticipation of our marriage, I’ve received so much advice, encouragement, and direction in how to love my husband well after those vows are spoken and the craziness of the wedding is over. That part, that life beyond the wedding, is what brings tears to my eyes. More beautiful than any one-time-occasion white dress or well-crafted flower bouquet or words written to express the deepest emotions of our hearts, is the marriage itself. The actual follow-through of the vows we will swear before God and man- that’s the most beautiful part of all of this, the part that I simply cannot wait for.

I can’t wait to come home to him, and just him.  I can’t wait to talk over dinners that I’m bound to mess up and that he’ll either have to fix or order take-out. I can’t wait to decorate our someday-home and begin the nesting process that is absolutely dying to jump out of my skin right now. I can’t wait to do his laundry, clean his dishes, wake him up in the morning before I leave for work, pray with him each night before we go to bed, and always make his home a place he can relax, unwind, and be the husband he longs to be in.

I’ve always wanted to be a wife. And I know that I will not always have warm fuzzies about washing his stinky socks or fighting over the air conditioner or cleaning up after him every time he leaves his dirty dishes in the sink. And I know I won’t ever be the perfect wife, and he won’t ever be the perfect husband. But I want to be the very best wife I can be, one that submits herself to the Lord and to her husband, that longs to respect him in the way I care for his home, in the way that I follow his leadership, in the way that I pray for him and our someday children. I want to be the woman that he can be so happy to come home to, the one he has the most fun with, the one who is easy to love until the day he dies.

Home is where he is. That’s why I am so thankful that the Lord allowed me to find work here in College Station and enjoy our engagement period just a few streets over from him. I’m so grateful that marriage is just around the corner as well, and that this long waiting-period where we’ve known and wanted but not been promised that this life was meant to be shared together can finally come to be on January 7^th. No matter how humble our beginnings are bound to be, I’m just ready to be with him. Love can’t pay the bills, but work ethic built around a desire to honor and love one another in provision sure can.

I’m ready for my family to grow. I love my family with all of my heart, they are the most precious people in the world to me, and I cannot wait for Clayton to join my side and to also join the Messinger family as well. Family is the foundation of how God designed society to operate, and the joining together of two families, the leaving and cleaving of the bride and groom, is not only symbolic of his love for us, it is also full of so much joy. I’m so happy to know that both Clayton and I have had the best examples and illustrations of what a Godly home should look like, and we are so blessed to have loving and gracious parents that will support us, mentor us, and pray for us as we embark on this next phase in life.

I can’t wait to learn from Clayton. He has so much wisdom and knowledge about Scripture, and He is so in tune with the Spirit. He’s not hard to follow, and if I find myself struggling to do so, it will most likely be out of a lack of faith in me instead of a lack in him. He ministers with the biggest heart and has such a passion for discipleship and mentoring. Watching his relationships with other men, whether they be older, younger, or his peers, is the biggest encouragement to me and our future as I know that not only does he seek wisdom and discernment, he longs to put it into practice, pass it on, and receive accountability for it. He loves me in all the right ways- he encourages me, praises me, protects me, and spoils me. But he also rebukes and corrects me, takes the reigns away from me when it’s not my job, and stands up for me when the situation calls. He teaches me so much through his actions, especially through his prayer for our future and His all-consuming desire to seek Him first in all things and to honor Him above and before anything else, especially in the foundation and outpouring of our coming marriage.

Clayton Messinger, I can’t wait to be your wife. I can’t wait to learn to love you more and more in ways that only time and marriage could achieve. I can’t imagine at this moment loving you anymore than I already do, but I know that what lies ahead is a beautiful, undeserved gift of love from our Father, and I can’t wait to open that and explore it with you. 143 days seems both like an eternity and the blink of an eye…we’ll see which one it is. Regardless, I am more excited about day 144 than 143, because while everyone says it is your wedding day that is the best day of your life, I think that the first full day when I am completely yours will be better than only being yours for a half day. And for that matter, I think 145, 146, 147, and every day after that will only get better as I grow into my role as Mrs. Clayton Messinger and learn what it means to be the caretaker of your home. I cannot think of a more honorable or meaningful role to play on this earth than the role of being your wife and ministry partner.

We are going to have SO MUCH FUN!