Home

I’m ready to go home.

143 days to go. And while I will promise to soak up every last second of this final “semester” as a single girl living with her roommates in this college town, I’m ready to go home. Because whether home is a temporary apartment in College Station while Clayton finishes his degree this spring, or another temporary apartment wherever he lands his first job, home is where he is, and I’m becoming more and more aware of that.

I’ve loved Clayton for as long as I can remember dating him. Almost five years is a long time to think back on and actually pin down an exact moment I remember falling in love with him. As far as my mind can think, I remember loving him. My love grew stronger through the distance in that first year of college. My love grew deeper in my sophomore year as we got to experience life together in close proximity. My love grew more resilient and steadfast through a challenging period in our lives. And since our engagement, my love has grown in expectancy at what is to come.

In anticipation of our marriage, I’ve received so much advice, encouragement, and direction in how to love my husband well after those vows are spoken and the craziness of the wedding is over. That part, that life beyond the wedding, is what brings tears to my eyes. More beautiful than any one-time-occasion white dress or well-crafted flower bouquet or words written to express the deepest emotions of our hearts, is the marriage itself. The actual follow-through of the vows we will swear before God and man- that’s the most beautiful part of all of this, the part that I simply cannot wait for.

I can’t wait to come home to him, and just him.  I can’t wait to talk over dinners that I’m bound to mess up and that he’ll either have to fix or order take-out. I can’t wait to decorate our someday-home and begin the nesting process that is absolutely dying to jump out of my skin right now. I can’t wait to do his laundry, clean his dishes, wake him up in the morning before I leave for work, pray with him each night before we go to bed, and always make his home a place he can relax, unwind, and be the husband he longs to be in.

I’ve always wanted to be a wife. And I know that I will not always have warm fuzzies about washing his stinky socks or fighting over the air conditioner or cleaning up after him every time he leaves his dirty dishes in the sink. And I know I won’t ever be the perfect wife, and he won’t ever be the perfect husband. But I want to be the very best wife I can be, one that submits herself to the Lord and to her husband, that longs to respect him in the way I care for his home, in the way that I follow his leadership, in the way that I pray for him and our someday children. I want to be the woman that he can be so happy to come home to, the one he has the most fun with, the one who is easy to love until the day he dies.

Home is where he is. That’s why I am so thankful that the Lord allowed me to find work here in College Station and enjoy our engagement period just a few streets over from him. I’m so grateful that marriage is just around the corner as well, and that this long waiting-period where we’ve known and wanted but not been promised that this life was meant to be shared together can finally come to be on January 7^th. No matter how humble our beginnings are bound to be, I’m just ready to be with him. Love can’t pay the bills, but work ethic built around a desire to honor and love one another in provision sure can.

I’m ready for my family to grow. I love my family with all of my heart, they are the most precious people in the world to me, and I cannot wait for Clayton to join my side and to also join the Messinger family as well. Family is the foundation of how God designed society to operate, and the joining together of two families, the leaving and cleaving of the bride and groom, is not only symbolic of his love for us, it is also full of so much joy. I’m so happy to know that both Clayton and I have had the best examples and illustrations of what a Godly home should look like, and we are so blessed to have loving and gracious parents that will support us, mentor us, and pray for us as we embark on this next phase in life.

I can’t wait to learn from Clayton. He has so much wisdom and knowledge about Scripture, and He is so in tune with the Spirit. He’s not hard to follow, and if I find myself struggling to do so, it will most likely be out of a lack of faith in me instead of a lack in him. He ministers with the biggest heart and has such a passion for discipleship and mentoring. Watching his relationships with other men, whether they be older, younger, or his peers, is the biggest encouragement to me and our future as I know that not only does he seek wisdom and discernment, he longs to put it into practice, pass it on, and receive accountability for it. He loves me in all the right ways- he encourages me, praises me, protects me, and spoils me. But he also rebukes and corrects me, takes the reigns away from me when it’s not my job, and stands up for me when the situation calls. He teaches me so much through his actions, especially through his prayer for our future and His all-consuming desire to seek Him first in all things and to honor Him above and before anything else, especially in the foundation and outpouring of our coming marriage.

Clayton Messinger, I can’t wait to be your wife. I can’t wait to learn to love you more and more in ways that only time and marriage could achieve. I can’t imagine at this moment loving you anymore than I already do, but I know that what lies ahead is a beautiful, undeserved gift of love from our Father, and I can’t wait to open that and explore it with you. 143 days seems both like an eternity and the blink of an eye…we’ll see which one it is. Regardless, I am more excited about day 144 than 143, because while everyone says it is your wedding day that is the best day of your life, I think that the first full day when I am completely yours will be better than only being yours for a half day. And for that matter, I think 145, 146, 147, and every day after that will only get better as I grow into my role as Mrs. Clayton Messinger and learn what it means to be the caretaker of your home. I cannot think of a more honorable or meaningful role to play on this earth than the role of being your wife and ministry partner.

We are going to have SO MUCH FUN!